Shy

I've turned in my two weeks notice at the Gap, and my last day is set on Christmas Eve.

Besides my last shift starting at 7 in the morning, it feels very fitting to leave on that day. I haven't said this the first time around, but I'm really gonna miss it.

Everything will be different when January comes around. I don't know whether to be more excited or scared for this change. I guess my biggest fear is revealing to myself how comfortable I've become at my home, workplace, or church. I'm afraid that I've established all these safe havens around here, and that I'm not ready to leave them. At the same time, I can't wait to see what it's really going to be like commuting without a car for the next three years.

Aside from all my doubts and eagerness, I keep wondering how much of this follows up with God's plan.






I wish there was something more I could say about the progress of the short film, but everyone on the team has not been available during these past couple of weeks. I'm really hoping to start shooting again sometime next week.


During this idle period, I've been thinking a lot about my experience in amateur film making, and how to better improve that experience-- the amateur experience. It's the toughest thing to situate yourself in front of a camera lens; almost everyone is guilty of shying away, or putting on a different face in front of a camera.

When I look at myself in any picture I've taken with a friend or family member, I certainly don't find myself naturally smiling 80% of the time. When I see pictures of other people, rarely do I see them acting and living the same way outside of those photos. You can really notice it on their faces-- it's amazingly simple to notice the littlest changes about anyone's behavior.

Sometimes when I take a picture of someone, they want to make sure it turned out the way they wanted it to turn out. When I push that red button on my camcorder, I immediately notice my actor becoming self-conscious of his or her own appearance. And it shows. You notice the actor really trying to pull off that cool, or mysterious look. It's not something we all do on purpose.

It's the toughest part of amateur film making-- being the character. And it's too easy for anyone behind the camera to just say, "Be this, and that" and have it expected to be done. One of my new goals in improving my amateur film making experience, is to constantly remind myself and my actor(s) to control our pride, and how vital it is to let that go between action and cut.