He's taught me what it really means to die to myself and to persevere.
Funny thing is.. when I posted up Matthew 4:20 in my last post-- I don't think I really understood what that meant at the time. I believe God decided to put me up to that challenge. He asked me if I was really able to leave everything and follow Him.
A few months ago I asked God to open up my wounds and to medicate them. I asked God to reveal what I didn't know about myself, and He answered my prayer at the most unexpected time. When God told me to let go.. I didn't want to. I was comfortable-- I was tired of being humbled. I didn't understand why I had to go through pain, and it was so easy to be angry at God. But at that point there was no one else to depend on but Him.
I have a better understanding of why He put me through this test. Through His grace, God taught me these things:
I've learned that I wasn't ready and that I was serving two masters. I've learned that I only liked the idea of Jesus's teachings rather than truly living out his ways. I've learned that I was leaning more upon God's blessings rather than God Himself.
I'm still healing.. and I have no idea what else God has in store for me.. but I'm looking forward to it more than ever. I am thankful for these trials.. I am thankful for His provision -- His love and grace.
"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." - 1 Corinthains 13:12 (NASB)
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" - 1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)
"How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word." - Psalm 119:9 (NASB)
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," - 1 Peter 1:3 (NASB)
