BAMA (Bay Area Missions Adventure) is over.
The faces of Jim, Reggie, Marsha, Julianna, Jack, Lemont, Hobert, Donald, Bonita, and Charlie are on my mind, and I cannot stop thinking about them. I can't stop thinking about the way they looked at me with honest eyes. I can't stop thinking about their stories. And I certainly can't stop thinking about how truly wonderful each and every one of those people are.
Most of us in the inner-city missions group agreed that we've made many wrong assumptions about the homeless before coming in contact with them on Thursday, and Friday. I can say for myself that I use to see them as alien compared to anyone else. I did not feel sorry for the homeless because I believed that many of them purposely made themselves that way. I really did disregard them as people. More shamefully, I don't think I have ever seen them as part of God's children.
On Friday, I met Jack and Lemont. We sat down on a sidewalk corner of McAllister street, and I began talking to them as they ate their BAMA prepared lunches. We easily dove into conversation, and discussion about their lives. I won't talk about what Jack and Lemont told me about themselves, but I can share what happened within that hour.
After some time, Jack and Lemont needed to head out. Before they're departure, one of my BAMA team members and I wanted to pray for them. Jack and Lemont were more than welcome to join us in prayer, and so we held hands and I began praying for them.
This is difficult to put into words. I am still overwhelmed by how Jack responded... and what God has done for me in return. Immediately after I finished praying, Jack grasped my hand more firmly, and pulled himself closer to me-- Jack began praying for my team member and myself. Jack eventually placed his head against my head as he continued to pray for us-- and at that moment, I couldn't help myself. How can someone like Jack, who has nothing, pray for someone like me? I cannot put into any more words how much God has revealed himself at that moment, and how much Jack's love poured out to me right then and there.
I could write another five blog entries about the lives of all the homeless people I met, and how many different ways God has revealed himself during those encounters. All I have to say now is that God has truly blessed me and the rest of the BAMA team during these past four days. In a previous entry, I wrote that I've never seen God work so abundantly in our youth ministry during the BAMA retreat 3 weeks ago. After that retreat ended, I was afraid that that was it-- but now it is impossible to be afraid of what more God can do within this youth group-- as long as we stay obedient, and faithful.
God has given me new eyes, and a new heart during BAMA. I know that God has done the same for the rest of the youth group-- even for those who did not attend BAMA. God is doing something incredibly amazing right now in these students, and I hope to see them change even more throughout the new year.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Shy
I've turned in my two weeks notice at the Gap, and my last day is set on Christmas Eve.
Besides my last shift starting at 7 in the morning, it feels very fitting to leave on that day. I haven't said this the first time around, but I'm really gonna miss it.
Everything will be different when January comes around. I don't know whether to be more excited or scared for this change. I guess my biggest fear is revealing to myself how comfortable I've become at my home, workplace, or church. I'm afraid that I've established all these safe havens around here, and that I'm not ready to leave them. At the same time, I can't wait to see what it's really going to be like commuting without a car for the next three years.
Aside from all my doubts and eagerness, I keep wondering how much of this follows up with God's plan.
I wish there was something more I could say about the progress of the short film, but everyone on the team has not been available during these past couple of weeks. I'm really hoping to start shooting again sometime next week.
During this idle period, I've been thinking a lot about my experience in amateur film making, and how to better improve that experience-- the amateur experience. It's the toughest thing to situate yourself in front of a camera lens; almost everyone is guilty of shying away, or putting on a different face in front of a camera.
When I look at myself in any picture I've taken with a friend or family member, I certainly don't find myself naturally smiling 80% of the time. When I see pictures of other people, rarely do I see them acting and living the same way outside of those photos. You can really notice it on their faces-- it's amazingly simple to notice the littlest changes about anyone's behavior.
Sometimes when I take a picture of someone, they want to make sure it turned out the way they wanted it to turn out. When I push that red button on my camcorder, I immediately notice my actor becoming self-conscious of his or her own appearance. And it shows. You notice the actor really trying to pull off that cool, or mysterious look. It's not something we all do on purpose.
It's the toughest part of amateur film making-- being the character. And it's too easy for anyone behind the camera to just say, "Be this, and that" and have it expected to be done. One of my new goals in improving my amateur film making experience, is to constantly remind myself and my actor(s) to control our pride, and how vital it is to let that go between action and cut.
Besides my last shift starting at 7 in the morning, it feels very fitting to leave on that day. I haven't said this the first time around, but I'm really gonna miss it.
Everything will be different when January comes around. I don't know whether to be more excited or scared for this change. I guess my biggest fear is revealing to myself how comfortable I've become at my home, workplace, or church. I'm afraid that I've established all these safe havens around here, and that I'm not ready to leave them. At the same time, I can't wait to see what it's really going to be like commuting without a car for the next three years.
Aside from all my doubts and eagerness, I keep wondering how much of this follows up with God's plan.
I wish there was something more I could say about the progress of the short film, but everyone on the team has not been available during these past couple of weeks. I'm really hoping to start shooting again sometime next week.
During this idle period, I've been thinking a lot about my experience in amateur film making, and how to better improve that experience-- the amateur experience. It's the toughest thing to situate yourself in front of a camera lens; almost everyone is guilty of shying away, or putting on a different face in front of a camera.
When I look at myself in any picture I've taken with a friend or family member, I certainly don't find myself naturally smiling 80% of the time. When I see pictures of other people, rarely do I see them acting and living the same way outside of those photos. You can really notice it on their faces-- it's amazingly simple to notice the littlest changes about anyone's behavior.
Sometimes when I take a picture of someone, they want to make sure it turned out the way they wanted it to turn out. When I push that red button on my camcorder, I immediately notice my actor becoming self-conscious of his or her own appearance. And it shows. You notice the actor really trying to pull off that cool, or mysterious look. It's not something we all do on purpose.
It's the toughest part of amateur film making-- being the character. And it's too easy for anyone behind the camera to just say, "Be this, and that" and have it expected to be done. One of my new goals in improving my amateur film making experience, is to constantly remind myself and my actor(s) to control our pride, and how vital it is to let that go between action and cut.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
BAMA youth retreat
Words-- my thoughts alone-- cannot fathom the amazing works of God which took place between last Thursday and Sunday.
This was not like any other retreat. Not like any other revival. God was there. And His holy spirit was truly moving and working through all of us there. It was very real, urgent, and necessary.
On Thursday night, the day before the youth group's BAMA (Bay Area Missions Adventure) retreat, I met up with my college small group. I went there to tell my small group leaders that I did not feel ready for the BAMA youth retreat. I wasn't clean, and I felt so rotten because of what I've done during the couple of weeks prior to that day. I fell hard, and I didn't bother getting up. Even though I knew that the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, I still did not bother to come to God.
After I've shared this with my brothers, and after they've shared the conditions of their hearts, we collectively came to God. During that time of prayer, I told God everything. At that moment, it was the hardest thing to do, to tell God everything about the condition of my heart.
How He responded, and what He gave back was something I will never forget. And I will forever be amazed at how God is always able to reveal Himself during my times of desperate need. He is forever merciful.
The BAMA retreat was right around the corner, and I couldn't expect God to create in me a clean heart the next day. I realized that I only came to God when something big was coming up, and He revealed to me there, the poor condition of my obedience. Just because the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, did not serve me the right to desperately approach God at that time only.
When I started to prepare for the retreat, I came forth with the only thing I had with me that day-- a renewed heart.
When the event began that Friday night, I lost God somewhere in the middle of praise and worship. I quickly became frustrated, and confused. No matter how hard I tried to get in touch with God, and no matter how hard I prayed, I could not find God. It was the strangest feeling.
I soon found out what was happening when I realized that it wasn't just me. The enemy was present in the room that night, and it was thick. It caused me to feel completely empty and hopeless. Furthermore, I became angry and upset when we ran into logistical problems later that night. Before I went to bed, I could not believe what was happening. It was possibly one of the worst feelings I've ever had-- losing touch with God that night.
Everything gradually changed the following day-- and I'm having the hardest time putting into words what happened on that Saturday. All I can surely say now is that I've never seen the youth group in the spiritual state they are in now. Almost all of the students who attended the retreat has confessed, and doubted their salvation. This was like no ordinary revival, and I am more than pleased to see the youth students coming to this point in their spiritual lives.
Throughout these past few years, it was difficult to clearly discern if there really was any change happening in the students' spiritual lives. We've had big retreats, and awesome times of getting closer to God, but they've all seemed to fall short in boosting our faith. One of the leaders asked me on Sunday if I've ever seen our youth group in the state they are in now, and I confidently said no. I have never seen God work so abundantly in the youth students before.
I look forward to seeing where He plans to take this youth ministry next.
This was not like any other retreat. Not like any other revival. God was there. And His holy spirit was truly moving and working through all of us there. It was very real, urgent, and necessary.
On Thursday night, the day before the youth group's BAMA (Bay Area Missions Adventure) retreat, I met up with my college small group. I went there to tell my small group leaders that I did not feel ready for the BAMA youth retreat. I wasn't clean, and I felt so rotten because of what I've done during the couple of weeks prior to that day. I fell hard, and I didn't bother getting up. Even though I knew that the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, I still did not bother to come to God.
After I've shared this with my brothers, and after they've shared the conditions of their hearts, we collectively came to God. During that time of prayer, I told God everything. At that moment, it was the hardest thing to do, to tell God everything about the condition of my heart.
How He responded, and what He gave back was something I will never forget. And I will forever be amazed at how God is always able to reveal Himself during my times of desperate need. He is forever merciful.
The BAMA retreat was right around the corner, and I couldn't expect God to create in me a clean heart the next day. I realized that I only came to God when something big was coming up, and He revealed to me there, the poor condition of my obedience. Just because the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, did not serve me the right to desperately approach God at that time only.
When I started to prepare for the retreat, I came forth with the only thing I had with me that day-- a renewed heart.
When the event began that Friday night, I lost God somewhere in the middle of praise and worship. I quickly became frustrated, and confused. No matter how hard I tried to get in touch with God, and no matter how hard I prayed, I could not find God. It was the strangest feeling.
I soon found out what was happening when I realized that it wasn't just me. The enemy was present in the room that night, and it was thick. It caused me to feel completely empty and hopeless. Furthermore, I became angry and upset when we ran into logistical problems later that night. Before I went to bed, I could not believe what was happening. It was possibly one of the worst feelings I've ever had-- losing touch with God that night.
Everything gradually changed the following day-- and I'm having the hardest time putting into words what happened on that Saturday. All I can surely say now is that I've never seen the youth group in the spiritual state they are in now. Almost all of the students who attended the retreat has confessed, and doubted their salvation. This was like no ordinary revival, and I am more than pleased to see the youth students coming to this point in their spiritual lives.
Throughout these past few years, it was difficult to clearly discern if there really was any change happening in the students' spiritual lives. We've had big retreats, and awesome times of getting closer to God, but they've all seemed to fall short in boosting our faith. One of the leaders asked me on Sunday if I've ever seen our youth group in the state they are in now, and I confidently said no. I have never seen God work so abundantly in the youth students before.
I look forward to seeing where He plans to take this youth ministry next.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
New year
This has got to be one of the most original concepts I have seen in a while. Seeing this type of work coming from Nolan worries me less about his rising status in Hollywood-- he still has his stuff together.
Or so it seems.
High hopes continue to soar for The Dark Knight.
There are many new opportunities coming up for me in the upcoming new year, and I have been eager to write about it here. However, I am still in the process of transitioning, and waiting, and I won't write about an uncertain thing.
To be frank, I'm scared to write about it. I don't want to fool or disappoint myself in the end if something does not work out.
All I can say now is that I am overwhelmed, and thrilled with this rising opportunity. And I cannot believe that these past three years have led me here. I hope to write many good things about it soon, and follow up with more good news throughout the remainder of my new year.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Bank shooting
Filming for the short began last night.
My main character, Nick, supporting cast member, Jon, and I, went out to the downtown area of San Mateo at midnight. Our plan was to shoot for at least an hour around the area. Oh man, it was cold.
The location provided everything what we needed for the shoot. The streets were empty; El Camino was quiet. There was no need for extra lighting since the place was already well lighted. What worried me the most about filming there was the patrolling officers making their rounds around the area. We needed to shoot a scene in front of a bank, and I wasn't sure if an officer was going to stop us from doing so.
We went ahead and did our scenes in front of the bank, and a patrol car did drive by us a few times. As the officer continued to do more rounds around us, I was pretty sure he knew what we were doing. I was pleasantly surprised, and glad that he didn't bother to pester us about our suspicious nature in front of Bank of America.
The shoot ended up going until 3:30 in the morning due to a few minor complications, but we got what we needed for that night.
As happy as I am about finally beginning this project, I'm getting more nervous about executing all of this right. This project is vastly different from everything else I've worked on in the past, and I feel as if I'm at the beginning again-- it's another fresh start.
Through this new experience, I truly hope to explore and learn a lot more about what film means to me.
My main character, Nick, supporting cast member, Jon, and I, went out to the downtown area of San Mateo at midnight. Our plan was to shoot for at least an hour around the area. Oh man, it was cold.
The location provided everything what we needed for the shoot. The streets were empty; El Camino was quiet. There was no need for extra lighting since the place was already well lighted. What worried me the most about filming there was the patrolling officers making their rounds around the area. We needed to shoot a scene in front of a bank, and I wasn't sure if an officer was going to stop us from doing so.
We went ahead and did our scenes in front of the bank, and a patrol car did drive by us a few times. As the officer continued to do more rounds around us, I was pretty sure he knew what we were doing. I was pleasantly surprised, and glad that he didn't bother to pester us about our suspicious nature in front of Bank of America.
The shoot ended up going until 3:30 in the morning due to a few minor complications, but we got what we needed for that night.
As happy as I am about finally beginning this project, I'm getting more nervous about executing all of this right. This project is vastly different from everything else I've worked on in the past, and I feel as if I'm at the beginning again-- it's another fresh start.
Through this new experience, I truly hope to explore and learn a lot more about what film means to me.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Holiday rush
Warner Bros. is pulling off some great viral marketing for The Dark Knight. Check out the following sites, and click around for some creepy surprises:
http://www.whysoserious.com/
http://www.rorysdeathkiss.com/
http://www.thegothamtimes.com/
http://www.thehahahatimes.com/
http://www.gothamcityrail.com/
http://www.rememberinggina.org/
http://www.gothampolice.com/
http://www.gothamnationalbank.com/
http://www.wearetheanswer.org/
Anyways,
didn't have much of a Thanksgiving "break".
I mean, everything was fine-- a nice turkey dinner with the family, hanging out with visiting college buddies, another family get together, work inbetween everything-- it was all good. Just didn't get to find any quiet time for myself during these past few days.
I thought I'd finally rest well tonight, but little did I know that party guests were coming over with children. And like always, the parents tell their kids to go play with Jae hyoung/oppa. Thank God that I'm always able to divert at least 70% of their attention and energy to the television-- it cuts me some slack.
No big plans for tomorrow... no plans.
http://www.whysoserious.com/
http://www.rorysdeathkiss.com/
http://www.thegothamtimes.com/
http://www.thehahahatimes.com/
http://www.gothamcityrail.com/
http://www.rememberinggina.org/
http://www.gothampolice.com/
http://www.gothamnationalbank.com/
http://www.wearetheanswer.org/
Anyways,
didn't have much of a Thanksgiving "break".
I mean, everything was fine-- a nice turkey dinner with the family, hanging out with visiting college buddies, another family get together, work inbetween everything-- it was all good. Just didn't get to find any quiet time for myself during these past few days.
I thought I'd finally rest well tonight, but little did I know that party guests were coming over with children. And like always, the parents tell their kids to go play with Jae hyoung/oppa. Thank God that I'm always able to divert at least 70% of their attention and energy to the television-- it cuts me some slack.
No big plans for tomorrow... no plans.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Untitled short
Been pretty busy with work and some other things. In my spare time, I've been gathering ideas and storyboarding for a short film that I'm currently working on.
I'm hoping to start filming very soon!
It was tough finding a person willing to play the part; the main character in this story holds a mixture of strong emotions, and I needed an actor who could express those emotions clearly through physical expression. Luckily, one of my co-workers, Nick, is an aspiring actor who very much enjoys theatre. After approaching him with this project, he was more than happy to work with me.
One day at work, Nick wanted to perform a monologue from Macbeth that he once performed in an acting class; He wanted to give me an audition. It was during our break in the lunch room, and although I felt kind of odd about Nick performing something Shakespeare at work, I had to accept this strange opportunity because really, who else would voluntarily do this during my lunch break?
Nick nervously started out his first lines, but progressively dove deeper into his character. I was very surprised to see how much enthusiasm he had for the material, and how well he acted out the monologue. Honestly, you would look at Nick and not immediately expect this guy to pull off such a great monologue. He has a great talent and understanding for theatre, and I'm hoping that Nick will share those same qualities for his character in the short film we'll be making.
The short will be a character study about a man who takes a joke too seriously, and how he approaches his following actions.
I'm hoping to start filming very soon!
It was tough finding a person willing to play the part; the main character in this story holds a mixture of strong emotions, and I needed an actor who could express those emotions clearly through physical expression. Luckily, one of my co-workers, Nick, is an aspiring actor who very much enjoys theatre. After approaching him with this project, he was more than happy to work with me.
One day at work, Nick wanted to perform a monologue from Macbeth that he once performed in an acting class; He wanted to give me an audition. It was during our break in the lunch room, and although I felt kind of odd about Nick performing something Shakespeare at work, I had to accept this strange opportunity because really, who else would voluntarily do this during my lunch break?
Nick nervously started out his first lines, but progressively dove deeper into his character. I was very surprised to see how much enthusiasm he had for the material, and how well he acted out the monologue. Honestly, you would look at Nick and not immediately expect this guy to pull off such a great monologue. He has a great talent and understanding for theatre, and I'm hoping that Nick will share those same qualities for his character in the short film we'll be making.
The short will be a character study about a man who takes a joke too seriously, and how he approaches his following actions.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Lock-In
On Thursday night, the youth group teachers came together to practice their skit for the youth "Lock-In" event. The skit is a 300 parody, which shows what life was like "Before They Were Spartans".
The lock-in event ended this morning-- and man, it sure was one heck of a night.
I was pleasantly surprised to see that we underestimated the number of students coming to the event. Although having the unexpected large attendance was great, I got real worried about the crowd control, especially during the scavenger hunt run around Mountain View. Thankfully, all of that went smoothly.
The night got pretty wild, and things only slowed down to a crawl at around five in the morning. After the painful wake-up call, breakfast, prize give aways, and student departures, I was forced to lay down on the ground and reward myself with three long hours of sleep before going about the rest of my Saturday.
During the early stages of prepping for the lock-in, I initially thought the preparation for the whole thing was going to turn out to be a logistical nightmare. The funny thing is, I had a bad dream about the lock-in during the night before the event. Basically, the lock-in was happening, and everything went haywire; there was a lack of preparation, students looked dreadfully bored, and for some reason I blacked out somewhere during the event, which served more negative consequences.
I woke up that Friday morning, a couple hours prior to the time I planned on waking up, and strangely, I felt very calm about everything. I had a blast during the lock-in. When it was done, I was very relieved to find myself not feeling burdened at all.
But still, there are physical costs of holding a nonstop 20 hour shift. I'm relaxing in front of my computer right now, and I know that this isn't the best way to recuperate. It won't be long before my body will throw itself onto a nearby mattress.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Writers' strike
Executive producer Carlton Cuse of "Lost" writes on his sign: "Do you want to know what the island is?"
I believe the studio is still deciding on whether to air the eight finished episodes written for "Lost's" fourth season, or postpone the premiere until the strike ends.
I'm kind of glad that I'm not caught up to the third season yet. I started watching the first season to "Lost" very recently, so I guess I'm not feeling as much pressure now about completing the other two seasons in time for January. But, when I eventually finish watching all of it, the studio had better start letting Cuse answer that question.
Fox has already made their move on "24". The seventh season will not air its premiere in January. As an avid fan of this show, I don't know whether to be more let down as a fan, or supportive for the writers' cause. I'm thinking, "Yeah, good for them-- it's about time." But, I know in the back of my head that I'm itching to see Tony Almeida (and possibly Michelle, David Palmer... and heck, maybe even Teri Bauer) come back from the dead. I'm waiting to see just how far the creators are willing to go in heightening my suspension of disbelief this time. They pulled off an evil President in season five. I guess a dead character returning can't be that questionable (?).
My hope is for this strike to be effective, beneficial to the creative community... and quick. Please make it quick.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Outside production
A few excerpts from The New York Times:
He is here in London filming the latest episode of the "Batman" franchise, "The Dark Knight." (Mr. Bale, as it happens, plays Batman; Mr. Ledger plays the Joker.) It is a physically and mentally draining role — his Joker is a “psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy” he said cheerfully — and, as often happens when he throws himself into a part, he is not sleeping much.
“Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night,” he said. “I couldn’t stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going.” One night he took an Ambien, which failed to work. He took a second one and fell into a stupor, only to wake up an hour later, his mind still racing.
He carries his interests around with him, and his kitchen table was awash in objects: a chess set, assorted books, various empty glasses, items of clothing. Here too was his Joker diary, which he began compiling four months before filming began. It is filled with images and thoughts helpful to the Joker back story, like a list of things the Joker would find funny. (AIDS is one of them.) Mr. Ledger seemed almost embarrassed that the book had been spotted, as if he had been caught trying to get extra credit in school.
This is blowing my curiosity-- what are the Nolan brothers filming?
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Religion
It's a touchy subject ain't it?
I was working one night, closing the store down with a couple of my co-workers. One of them came over and playfully took my phone to check it out. (Let's call her "Jen") Jen searched through my pictures and asked me who this particular person was. "That's one of my youth group boys whom I teach." As if she had the most awful taste in her mouth, Jen's immediate response was "Ew, you're a Christian?"
My other co-worker (Let's call him "Bob") overheard this and assured her that there was nothing wrong with what I believed in. For the next half an hour, Jen decided to strike up a conversation about how she moved away from her faith. Bob too shared about how he eventually moved away from his faith as well.
It's not something you'd normally talk about with your co-workers who aren't close, or when you're hanging out with your friends at a party-- religion. Something always goes sideways, and that night it did. Jen struck up rhetorical questions like "If God existed, than why did He let the holocaust happen? Why did he cause so many wars?" and more peculiar ones like "Can you have sex in heaven?" They were all excellent questions. Jen was on a roll, and began questioning my actions as a believer. "Jae, do you watch porn? Don't you have porn on your computer?"
Ok, whoa.
It's all good to talk about religion with me, but there are more sensible ways in carrying out a mutual conversation. I knew Jen was trying to prove me wrong, or say that I'm no better. And at that moment, I was thinking: what if I told her I was a Buddhist? Or if I believed in Islam? I wonder if she would've given me more or less heat.
There was nothing wrong with what she was telling me. If I was in her position, I think I'd like to get more creative with making up more counter arguments against the Bible. And that can never get tiresome; I mean really, it's a given to ask an infinitive amount of questions about something that you don't clearly see in front of you.
But, it's interesting to see how anyone could easily dump so much unwanted responsibility onto another person. I say that I'm a Christian, and a person against it will bring in a lot of preconceived ideas about who I am. In this case, I'm expected to be a monk.
One of the many methods of holding onto any kind of belief is gained through accountability. It's encouraging to find that the more I come across people like Jen, the more I find them accountable to my own faith.
I was working one night, closing the store down with a couple of my co-workers. One of them came over and playfully took my phone to check it out. (Let's call her "Jen") Jen searched through my pictures and asked me who this particular person was. "That's one of my youth group boys whom I teach." As if she had the most awful taste in her mouth, Jen's immediate response was "Ew, you're a Christian?"
My other co-worker (Let's call him "Bob") overheard this and assured her that there was nothing wrong with what I believed in. For the next half an hour, Jen decided to strike up a conversation about how she moved away from her faith. Bob too shared about how he eventually moved away from his faith as well.
It's not something you'd normally talk about with your co-workers who aren't close, or when you're hanging out with your friends at a party-- religion. Something always goes sideways, and that night it did. Jen struck up rhetorical questions like "If God existed, than why did He let the holocaust happen? Why did he cause so many wars?" and more peculiar ones like "Can you have sex in heaven?" They were all excellent questions. Jen was on a roll, and began questioning my actions as a believer. "Jae, do you watch porn? Don't you have porn on your computer?"
Ok, whoa.
It's all good to talk about religion with me, but there are more sensible ways in carrying out a mutual conversation. I knew Jen was trying to prove me wrong, or say that I'm no better. And at that moment, I was thinking: what if I told her I was a Buddhist? Or if I believed in Islam? I wonder if she would've given me more or less heat.
There was nothing wrong with what she was telling me. If I was in her position, I think I'd like to get more creative with making up more counter arguments against the Bible. And that can never get tiresome; I mean really, it's a given to ask an infinitive amount of questions about something that you don't clearly see in front of you.
But, it's interesting to see how anyone could easily dump so much unwanted responsibility onto another person. I say that I'm a Christian, and a person against it will bring in a lot of preconceived ideas about who I am. In this case, I'm expected to be a monk.
One of the many methods of holding onto any kind of belief is gained through accountability. It's encouraging to find that the more I come across people like Jen, the more I find them accountable to my own faith.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Vows
There was a wedding today. Weddings are always nice to be at; a celebration for a friend who found love. The mini sermon given by the pastor got a hold of my attention as he explained the significance of "leaving" and "cleaving" during the beginning process of marriage.
Leaving the sinful single lifestyle, and attaching oneself to another person in good faith. Most importantly, intrusting that relationship in Christ.
I don't know about anyone else, but that last part added a whole new dimension to my understanding of taking up those vows. I'll admit that my idea of marriages vaguely centered on Christ being the one holding it together. It was there-- I know being a Christian and all was a good thing in a marriage, but it was hard to understand how not having God focused on the picture could take all that away.
There is so much more to it than just simply giving all your care to another person, and it's one of those things that easily slip out the other ear when your eyes start wandering off again.
Leaving the sinful single lifestyle, and attaching oneself to another person in good faith. Most importantly, intrusting that relationship in Christ.
I don't know about anyone else, but that last part added a whole new dimension to my understanding of taking up those vows. I'll admit that my idea of marriages vaguely centered on Christ being the one holding it together. It was there-- I know being a Christian and all was a good thing in a marriage, but it was hard to understand how not having God focused on the picture could take all that away.
There is so much more to it than just simply giving all your care to another person, and it's one of those things that easily slip out the other ear when your eyes start wandering off again.
Fresh
This is new.
After shutting down my account on Xanga, I've realized that I still needed a place to write down thoughts. It was a bit difficult making the decision to permanently erase everything I had on that account. As a member of it since 2003, I spent a lot of time using that blog site. Aside from being just a place to write down things I did during that day, complaints, or embedded photos and video, it was good a crutch that I needed to use for myself from time to time.
Why then...
It could of been the little things about Xanga that bothered me-- like the lost of community. A part of me probably felt like erasing it because it simply just wasn't me. You don't want to have someone else reading that when you're not around anymore. Maybe I was ashamed of it, too. Heh, I'm either really unsure of my real reason, or I'm not letting the truth out!
Anyways, I'm not sure how consistent I'll be with this blog. Right now, I can say that I won't have a problem with not hiding anything on these pages. I had to be careful and conscious about leaking too much information out on Xanga. Eventually, it didn't feel like a nice crutch to lean on anymore.
Why not just write in a personal journal, and not on a world wide website? To an extent, this counts as an accountability option in my book.
After shutting down my account on Xanga, I've realized that I still needed a place to write down thoughts. It was a bit difficult making the decision to permanently erase everything I had on that account. As a member of it since 2003, I spent a lot of time using that blog site. Aside from being just a place to write down things I did during that day, complaints, or embedded photos and video, it was good a crutch that I needed to use for myself from time to time.
Why then...
It could of been the little things about Xanga that bothered me-- like the lost of community. A part of me probably felt like erasing it because it simply just wasn't me. You don't want to have someone else reading that when you're not around anymore. Maybe I was ashamed of it, too. Heh, I'm either really unsure of my real reason, or I'm not letting the truth out!
Anyways, I'm not sure how consistent I'll be with this blog. Right now, I can say that I won't have a problem with not hiding anything on these pages. I had to be careful and conscious about leaking too much information out on Xanga. Eventually, it didn't feel like a nice crutch to lean on anymore.
Why not just write in a personal journal, and not on a world wide website? To an extent, this counts as an accountability option in my book.
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