BAMA (Bay Area Missions Adventure) is over.
The faces of Jim, Reggie, Marsha, Julianna, Jack, Lemont, Hobert, Donald, Bonita, and Charlie are on my mind, and I cannot stop thinking about them. I can't stop thinking about the way they looked at me with honest eyes. I can't stop thinking about their stories. And I certainly can't stop thinking about how truly wonderful each and every one of those people are.
Most of us in the inner-city missions group agreed that we've made many wrong assumptions about the homeless before coming in contact with them on Thursday, and Friday. I can say for myself that I use to see them as alien compared to anyone else. I did not feel sorry for the homeless because I believed that many of them purposely made themselves that way. I really did disregard them as people. More shamefully, I don't think I have ever seen them as part of God's children.
On Friday, I met Jack and Lemont. We sat down on a sidewalk corner of McAllister street, and I began talking to them as they ate their BAMA prepared lunches. We easily dove into conversation, and discussion about their lives. I won't talk about what Jack and Lemont told me about themselves, but I can share what happened within that hour.
After some time, Jack and Lemont needed to head out. Before they're departure, one of my BAMA team members and I wanted to pray for them. Jack and Lemont were more than welcome to join us in prayer, and so we held hands and I began praying for them.
This is difficult to put into words. I am still overwhelmed by how Jack responded... and what God has done for me in return. Immediately after I finished praying, Jack grasped my hand more firmly, and pulled himself closer to me-- Jack began praying for my team member and myself. Jack eventually placed his head against my head as he continued to pray for us-- and at that moment, I couldn't help myself. How can someone like Jack, who has nothing, pray for someone like me? I cannot put into any more words how much God has revealed himself at that moment, and how much Jack's love poured out to me right then and there.
I could write another five blog entries about the lives of all the homeless people I met, and how many different ways God has revealed himself during those encounters. All I have to say now is that God has truly blessed me and the rest of the BAMA team during these past four days. In a previous entry, I wrote that I've never seen God work so abundantly in our youth ministry during the BAMA retreat 3 weeks ago. After that retreat ended, I was afraid that that was it-- but now it is impossible to be afraid of what more God can do within this youth group-- as long as we stay obedient, and faithful.
God has given me new eyes, and a new heart during BAMA. I know that God has done the same for the rest of the youth group-- even for those who did not attend BAMA. God is doing something incredibly amazing right now in these students, and I hope to see them change even more throughout the new year.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Shy
I've turned in my two weeks notice at the Gap, and my last day is set on Christmas Eve.
Besides my last shift starting at 7 in the morning, it feels very fitting to leave on that day. I haven't said this the first time around, but I'm really gonna miss it.
Everything will be different when January comes around. I don't know whether to be more excited or scared for this change. I guess my biggest fear is revealing to myself how comfortable I've become at my home, workplace, or church. I'm afraid that I've established all these safe havens around here, and that I'm not ready to leave them. At the same time, I can't wait to see what it's really going to be like commuting without a car for the next three years.
Aside from all my doubts and eagerness, I keep wondering how much of this follows up with God's plan.
I wish there was something more I could say about the progress of the short film, but everyone on the team has not been available during these past couple of weeks. I'm really hoping to start shooting again sometime next week.
During this idle period, I've been thinking a lot about my experience in amateur film making, and how to better improve that experience-- the amateur experience. It's the toughest thing to situate yourself in front of a camera lens; almost everyone is guilty of shying away, or putting on a different face in front of a camera.
When I look at myself in any picture I've taken with a friend or family member, I certainly don't find myself naturally smiling 80% of the time. When I see pictures of other people, rarely do I see them acting and living the same way outside of those photos. You can really notice it on their faces-- it's amazingly simple to notice the littlest changes about anyone's behavior.
Sometimes when I take a picture of someone, they want to make sure it turned out the way they wanted it to turn out. When I push that red button on my camcorder, I immediately notice my actor becoming self-conscious of his or her own appearance. And it shows. You notice the actor really trying to pull off that cool, or mysterious look. It's not something we all do on purpose.
It's the toughest part of amateur film making-- being the character. And it's too easy for anyone behind the camera to just say, "Be this, and that" and have it expected to be done. One of my new goals in improving my amateur film making experience, is to constantly remind myself and my actor(s) to control our pride, and how vital it is to let that go between action and cut.
Besides my last shift starting at 7 in the morning, it feels very fitting to leave on that day. I haven't said this the first time around, but I'm really gonna miss it.
Everything will be different when January comes around. I don't know whether to be more excited or scared for this change. I guess my biggest fear is revealing to myself how comfortable I've become at my home, workplace, or church. I'm afraid that I've established all these safe havens around here, and that I'm not ready to leave them. At the same time, I can't wait to see what it's really going to be like commuting without a car for the next three years.
Aside from all my doubts and eagerness, I keep wondering how much of this follows up with God's plan.
I wish there was something more I could say about the progress of the short film, but everyone on the team has not been available during these past couple of weeks. I'm really hoping to start shooting again sometime next week.
During this idle period, I've been thinking a lot about my experience in amateur film making, and how to better improve that experience-- the amateur experience. It's the toughest thing to situate yourself in front of a camera lens; almost everyone is guilty of shying away, or putting on a different face in front of a camera.
When I look at myself in any picture I've taken with a friend or family member, I certainly don't find myself naturally smiling 80% of the time. When I see pictures of other people, rarely do I see them acting and living the same way outside of those photos. You can really notice it on their faces-- it's amazingly simple to notice the littlest changes about anyone's behavior.
Sometimes when I take a picture of someone, they want to make sure it turned out the way they wanted it to turn out. When I push that red button on my camcorder, I immediately notice my actor becoming self-conscious of his or her own appearance. And it shows. You notice the actor really trying to pull off that cool, or mysterious look. It's not something we all do on purpose.
It's the toughest part of amateur film making-- being the character. And it's too easy for anyone behind the camera to just say, "Be this, and that" and have it expected to be done. One of my new goals in improving my amateur film making experience, is to constantly remind myself and my actor(s) to control our pride, and how vital it is to let that go between action and cut.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
BAMA youth retreat
Words-- my thoughts alone-- cannot fathom the amazing works of God which took place between last Thursday and Sunday.
This was not like any other retreat. Not like any other revival. God was there. And His holy spirit was truly moving and working through all of us there. It was very real, urgent, and necessary.
On Thursday night, the day before the youth group's BAMA (Bay Area Missions Adventure) retreat, I met up with my college small group. I went there to tell my small group leaders that I did not feel ready for the BAMA youth retreat. I wasn't clean, and I felt so rotten because of what I've done during the couple of weeks prior to that day. I fell hard, and I didn't bother getting up. Even though I knew that the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, I still did not bother to come to God.
After I've shared this with my brothers, and after they've shared the conditions of their hearts, we collectively came to God. During that time of prayer, I told God everything. At that moment, it was the hardest thing to do, to tell God everything about the condition of my heart.
How He responded, and what He gave back was something I will never forget. And I will forever be amazed at how God is always able to reveal Himself during my times of desperate need. He is forever merciful.
The BAMA retreat was right around the corner, and I couldn't expect God to create in me a clean heart the next day. I realized that I only came to God when something big was coming up, and He revealed to me there, the poor condition of my obedience. Just because the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, did not serve me the right to desperately approach God at that time only.
When I started to prepare for the retreat, I came forth with the only thing I had with me that day-- a renewed heart.
When the event began that Friday night, I lost God somewhere in the middle of praise and worship. I quickly became frustrated, and confused. No matter how hard I tried to get in touch with God, and no matter how hard I prayed, I could not find God. It was the strangest feeling.
I soon found out what was happening when I realized that it wasn't just me. The enemy was present in the room that night, and it was thick. It caused me to feel completely empty and hopeless. Furthermore, I became angry and upset when we ran into logistical problems later that night. Before I went to bed, I could not believe what was happening. It was possibly one of the worst feelings I've ever had-- losing touch with God that night.
Everything gradually changed the following day-- and I'm having the hardest time putting into words what happened on that Saturday. All I can surely say now is that I've never seen the youth group in the spiritual state they are in now. Almost all of the students who attended the retreat has confessed, and doubted their salvation. This was like no ordinary revival, and I am more than pleased to see the youth students coming to this point in their spiritual lives.
Throughout these past few years, it was difficult to clearly discern if there really was any change happening in the students' spiritual lives. We've had big retreats, and awesome times of getting closer to God, but they've all seemed to fall short in boosting our faith. One of the leaders asked me on Sunday if I've ever seen our youth group in the state they are in now, and I confidently said no. I have never seen God work so abundantly in the youth students before.
I look forward to seeing where He plans to take this youth ministry next.
This was not like any other retreat. Not like any other revival. God was there. And His holy spirit was truly moving and working through all of us there. It was very real, urgent, and necessary.
On Thursday night, the day before the youth group's BAMA (Bay Area Missions Adventure) retreat, I met up with my college small group. I went there to tell my small group leaders that I did not feel ready for the BAMA youth retreat. I wasn't clean, and I felt so rotten because of what I've done during the couple of weeks prior to that day. I fell hard, and I didn't bother getting up. Even though I knew that the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, I still did not bother to come to God.
After I've shared this with my brothers, and after they've shared the conditions of their hearts, we collectively came to God. During that time of prayer, I told God everything. At that moment, it was the hardest thing to do, to tell God everything about the condition of my heart.
How He responded, and what He gave back was something I will never forget. And I will forever be amazed at how God is always able to reveal Himself during my times of desperate need. He is forever merciful.
The BAMA retreat was right around the corner, and I couldn't expect God to create in me a clean heart the next day. I realized that I only came to God when something big was coming up, and He revealed to me there, the poor condition of my obedience. Just because the BAMA retreat was coming around the corner, did not serve me the right to desperately approach God at that time only.
When I started to prepare for the retreat, I came forth with the only thing I had with me that day-- a renewed heart.
When the event began that Friday night, I lost God somewhere in the middle of praise and worship. I quickly became frustrated, and confused. No matter how hard I tried to get in touch with God, and no matter how hard I prayed, I could not find God. It was the strangest feeling.
I soon found out what was happening when I realized that it wasn't just me. The enemy was present in the room that night, and it was thick. It caused me to feel completely empty and hopeless. Furthermore, I became angry and upset when we ran into logistical problems later that night. Before I went to bed, I could not believe what was happening. It was possibly one of the worst feelings I've ever had-- losing touch with God that night.
Everything gradually changed the following day-- and I'm having the hardest time putting into words what happened on that Saturday. All I can surely say now is that I've never seen the youth group in the spiritual state they are in now. Almost all of the students who attended the retreat has confessed, and doubted their salvation. This was like no ordinary revival, and I am more than pleased to see the youth students coming to this point in their spiritual lives.
Throughout these past few years, it was difficult to clearly discern if there really was any change happening in the students' spiritual lives. We've had big retreats, and awesome times of getting closer to God, but they've all seemed to fall short in boosting our faith. One of the leaders asked me on Sunday if I've ever seen our youth group in the state they are in now, and I confidently said no. I have never seen God work so abundantly in the youth students before.
I look forward to seeing where He plans to take this youth ministry next.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
New year
This has got to be one of the most original concepts I have seen in a while. Seeing this type of work coming from Nolan worries me less about his rising status in Hollywood-- he still has his stuff together.
Or so it seems.
High hopes continue to soar for The Dark Knight.
There are many new opportunities coming up for me in the upcoming new year, and I have been eager to write about it here. However, I am still in the process of transitioning, and waiting, and I won't write about an uncertain thing.
To be frank, I'm scared to write about it. I don't want to fool or disappoint myself in the end if something does not work out.
All I can say now is that I am overwhelmed, and thrilled with this rising opportunity. And I cannot believe that these past three years have led me here. I hope to write many good things about it soon, and follow up with more good news throughout the remainder of my new year.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Bank shooting
Filming for the short began last night.
My main character, Nick, supporting cast member, Jon, and I, went out to the downtown area of San Mateo at midnight. Our plan was to shoot for at least an hour around the area. Oh man, it was cold.
The location provided everything what we needed for the shoot. The streets were empty; El Camino was quiet. There was no need for extra lighting since the place was already well lighted. What worried me the most about filming there was the patrolling officers making their rounds around the area. We needed to shoot a scene in front of a bank, and I wasn't sure if an officer was going to stop us from doing so.
We went ahead and did our scenes in front of the bank, and a patrol car did drive by us a few times. As the officer continued to do more rounds around us, I was pretty sure he knew what we were doing. I was pleasantly surprised, and glad that he didn't bother to pester us about our suspicious nature in front of Bank of America.
The shoot ended up going until 3:30 in the morning due to a few minor complications, but we got what we needed for that night.
As happy as I am about finally beginning this project, I'm getting more nervous about executing all of this right. This project is vastly different from everything else I've worked on in the past, and I feel as if I'm at the beginning again-- it's another fresh start.
Through this new experience, I truly hope to explore and learn a lot more about what film means to me.
My main character, Nick, supporting cast member, Jon, and I, went out to the downtown area of San Mateo at midnight. Our plan was to shoot for at least an hour around the area. Oh man, it was cold.
The location provided everything what we needed for the shoot. The streets were empty; El Camino was quiet. There was no need for extra lighting since the place was already well lighted. What worried me the most about filming there was the patrolling officers making their rounds around the area. We needed to shoot a scene in front of a bank, and I wasn't sure if an officer was going to stop us from doing so.
We went ahead and did our scenes in front of the bank, and a patrol car did drive by us a few times. As the officer continued to do more rounds around us, I was pretty sure he knew what we were doing. I was pleasantly surprised, and glad that he didn't bother to pester us about our suspicious nature in front of Bank of America.
The shoot ended up going until 3:30 in the morning due to a few minor complications, but we got what we needed for that night.
As happy as I am about finally beginning this project, I'm getting more nervous about executing all of this right. This project is vastly different from everything else I've worked on in the past, and I feel as if I'm at the beginning again-- it's another fresh start.
Through this new experience, I truly hope to explore and learn a lot more about what film means to me.
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