God's been teaching me so much over these past few months.

He's taught me what it really means to die to myself and to persevere.

Funny thing is.. when I posted up Matthew 4:20 in my last post-- I don't think I really understood what that meant at the time. I believe God decided to put me up to that challenge. He asked me if I was really able to leave everything and follow Him.

A few months ago I asked God to open up my wounds and to medicate them. I asked God to reveal what I didn't know about myself, and He answered my prayer at the most unexpected time. When God told me to let go.. I didn't want to. I was comfortable-- I was tired of being humbled. I didn't understand why I had to go through pain, and it was so easy to be angry at God. But at that point there was no one else to depend on but Him.

I have a better understanding of why He put me through this test. Through His grace, God taught me these things:

I've learned that I wasn't ready and that I was serving two masters. I've learned that I only liked the idea of Jesus's teachings rather than truly living out his ways. I've learned that I was leaning more upon God's blessings rather than God Himself.

I'm still healing.. and I have no idea what else God has in store for me.. but I'm looking forward to it more than ever. I am thankful for these trials.. I am thankful for His provision -- His love and grace.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." - 1 Corinthains 13:12 (NASB)

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" - 1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word." - Psalm 119:9 (NASB)

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," - 1 Peter 1:3 (NASB)

At once they left their nets and followed him.

- Matthew 4:20

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said. 
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

John 8:3-11

slumdog millionaire:

who knew that such a powerful story could be derived from narrative about a "who wants to be a millionaire" game show. it wasn't all about the game show, but it definitely worked perfectly well into the story of jamal mikal.

this movie is incredibly intense. the narrative is exhilarating. it is frightening, smart, and touching at the same time. director danny boyle seems to take all the risks in portraying the true colors of india's slums. boyle assures that this is more than a love story. he does not shy away from difficult thematic issues, and willingly wrestles with the core of the inner human spirit.

it's always been inspiring to see boyle tackling on a different genre every time. artistically, he seems to keenly understand how to bring forth attention to the unusual (or usual but ignored) aspects of our lives. we wouldn't dare dive into the toilet bowl with renton in trainspotting.. bear every man-made mistake with capa in sunshine.. or willingly stab your friend to death for the sake of survival with selena in 28 days later.

in slumdog millionaire, there is a scene where young jamal is locked inside of an outhouse-- he desperately needs to get out so that he can get a signed autograph from the famous amitabh bachchan who is nearby. the only exit is through the hole. jamal decides to jump into the pile of stools. he falls in, and gets covered in human feces from head to toe. jamal successfully exits the outhouse. he runs towards the celebrity, squeezing his way through a rowdy crowd (inevitably smearing "it" all over the other peoples clothes). jamal finally stands in front of bachchan holding up the picture of the celebrity that he wants signed. curiously, bachchan takes the picture, signs it, and hands it back to the boy covered in stool. jamal feels victorious.

would we have jumped in with him?

this might sound a bit strange, but i've always wondered if any filmmaker would be brave enough to somehow incorporate human feces as a vital element in a story. i've always wondered how an audience would agree with that sort of content.

that type of stuff works all too well with jamal mikal--

a slumdog who will do anything to achieve his passions.

                    (stauffenberg on the far left; hitler in the middle)

valkyrie:

it was pretty exciting to watch this with my german stepdad.

a historically accurate, and intense political thriller.

i didn't know too much about the july plot. i only knew that this was a story about a man who attempted to assassinate adolph hitler. while watching valkyrie, i learned about a whole new side of germany. more than just an assassination attempt, claus von stauffenberg held the ambition to save germany from disaster. there was too much at stake if hitler was to stay in power.

i am honestly mesmerized by this story of loyalty and sacrifice. stauffenberg and his men had the utmost ambition to do what was right; they tried their best to bring justice upon hitler. this is something that i would've enjoyed learning more about in history class.

i appreciate how bryan singer tells this story. he shows great attention to detail, and manages to leave no room for bs. the story is taut, and every minute of it is focused on the july plot. and for a historical movie, it's not boring either. artistically, the filmmakers knew how to place their audience in this threatening situation. although we know the fate of these good men, we still hope for their plans to succeed.

what did my stepdad think of it?

erich thought it was awesome!

the curious case of benjamin button:

the film definitely holds your curiosity about benjamin button. it moves through the motions of growing up with this strange character who doesn't exactly live in the same universe as everyone else. the audience is drawn to what life would look like if you grew younger everyday.

in an interview with "living in cinema", directer david fincher explains how he imagined the two characters of benjamin and daisy as two halves of a whole-- two people who are meant to be with each other. what's interesting is that their time together is defined through their time apart. benjamin and daisy live separate lifestyles until they find the right timing to be with each other.

although a love story at it's core, i appreciate how thematically layered the story is. it wrestles with life, death and acceptance. as we grow younger with benjamin, we certainly don't view life by its minutes but by its moments. as the story plays out episodically through the different stages of benjamin's life, we learn that he holds a unique quality of acceptance. this allows him to truly appreciate what is given and taken away. through his patience, benjamin values every moment in his life.

i like how the filmmakers did not let the story fall into it's own gimmickry. it stays away from being too picture-perfect. the filmmakers knew when to step out of the fantasy tale by cutting back to old daisy in the hospital room. this modern day element allows the audience to stay grounded in reality-- thinking about what might happen next before falling back into more episodes of benjamin button's life. in the end, we find all the pieces and episodes come together as a whole in the end-- just like the relationship between benjamin and daisy.

it surprises me to see this film being unfairly compared to forrest gump. could it be because eric roth wrote both films? i recognized a small similarity with its structure in storytelling however, the curious case of benjamin button still holds a completely different narrative and vision. if comparisons are to be made, this story excels artistically because of its mature and introspective viewpoint on humanity.

finals are over!

it's been a great semester.

a lot of learning, growing, and new experiences. i'm feeling more confident in the fact that this is what i'm suppose to be doing-- not just studying film, but pursuing it through faith. throughout this fall semester, it's become clear to me how much i need to put my trust in God. i cannot place confidence in my own devices and works; my confidence must be placed in God alone.

one experience that certainly changed me was during my documentary project.

while making the first cut of my "hallowed" documentary, i decided to hide the element of faith because i thought that i would lose my audience's attention. i became ashamed of my faith. however, God worked through this documentary school project (how scary is that) to teach me what it really means to have self-less faith.

oswald chambers once said that people "want the blessing of God, but they can’t stand something that pierces right through to the heart of the matter." when i believed that my faith was self-less, God showed me where my faith really stood. i was in much denial and found myself not wanting to take in the truth. but thanks to His persistence, i took in what i needed to hear.

i submitted "hallowed" to the 10th annual epidemic film festival along with my other short film "rise". "hallowed" won the Best Documentary award-- i was absolutely thrilled :).

when i accepted that award, i realized that this was something that i did not accomplish alone. through this experience, i was reminded of how God truly does not leave us the way we are. He is always faithful! in return, i must always place my confidence and faith in Him. always.

"Your will above all else, my purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control

Consume from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love you from the inside out"