"Most of us live only within the level of consciousness— consciously serving and consciously devoted to God. This shows immaturity and the fact that we’re not yet living the real Christian life. Maturity is produced in the life of a child of God on the unconscious level, until we become so totally surrendered to God that we are not even aware of being used by Him. When we are consciously aware of being used as broken bread and poured-out wine, we have yet another level to reach— a level where all awareness of ourselves and of what God is doing through us is completely eliminated. A saint is never consciously a saint— a saint is consciously dependent on God." - Oswald Chambers

So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, "Lord, and what about this man?" Jesus said to him, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" - John 21:21-22

The Answers Can Wait

"When we are distressed by our inability to answer life's most vexing questions, we must remember that Christ did not come to satisfy our curiosity. Rather, He saw us as fallen and hurt, and He came to lift and heal."

- Herbert Vander Lugt

God's been teaching me so much over these past few months.

He's taught me what it really means to die to myself and to persevere.

Funny thing is.. when I posted up Matthew 4:20 in my last post-- I don't think I really understood what that meant at the time. I believe God decided to put me up to that challenge. He asked me if I was really able to leave everything and follow Him.

A few months ago I asked God to open up my wounds and to medicate them. I asked God to reveal what I didn't know about myself, and He answered my prayer at the most unexpected time. When God told me to let go.. I didn't want to. I was comfortable-- I was tired of being humbled. I didn't understand why I had to go through pain, and it was so easy to be angry at God. But at that point there was no one else to depend on but Him.

I have a better understanding of why He put me through this test. Through His grace, God taught me these things:

I've learned that I wasn't ready and that I was serving two masters. I've learned that I only liked the idea of Jesus's teachings rather than truly living out his ways. I've learned that I was leaning more upon God's blessings rather than God Himself.

I'm still healing.. and I have no idea what else God has in store for me.. but I'm looking forward to it more than ever. I am thankful for these trials.. I am thankful for His provision -- His love and grace.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." - 1 Corinthains 13:12 (NASB)

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" - 1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word." - Psalm 119:9 (NASB)

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," - 1 Peter 1:3 (NASB)

At once they left their nets and followed him.

- Matthew 4:20

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one, sir," she said. 
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

John 8:3-11

slumdog millionaire:

who knew that such a powerful story could be derived from narrative about a "who wants to be a millionaire" game show. it wasn't all about the game show, but it definitely worked perfectly well into the story of jamal mikal.

this movie is incredibly intense. the narrative is exhilarating. it is frightening, smart, and touching at the same time. director danny boyle seems to take all the risks in portraying the true colors of india's slums. boyle assures that this is more than a love story. he does not shy away from difficult thematic issues, and willingly wrestles with the core of the inner human spirit.

it's always been inspiring to see boyle tackling on a different genre every time. artistically, he seems to keenly understand how to bring forth attention to the unusual (or usual but ignored) aspects of our lives. we wouldn't dare dive into the toilet bowl with renton in trainspotting.. bear every man-made mistake with capa in sunshine.. or willingly stab your friend to death for the sake of survival with selena in 28 days later.

in slumdog millionaire, there is a scene where young jamal is locked inside of an outhouse-- he desperately needs to get out so that he can get a signed autograph from the famous amitabh bachchan who is nearby. the only exit is through the hole. jamal decides to jump into the pile of stools. he falls in, and gets covered in human feces from head to toe. jamal successfully exits the outhouse. he runs towards the celebrity, squeezing his way through a rowdy crowd (inevitably smearing "it" all over the other peoples clothes). jamal finally stands in front of bachchan holding up the picture of the celebrity that he wants signed. curiously, bachchan takes the picture, signs it, and hands it back to the boy covered in stool. jamal feels victorious.

would we have jumped in with him?

this might sound a bit strange, but i've always wondered if any filmmaker would be brave enough to somehow incorporate human feces as a vital element in a story. i've always wondered how an audience would agree with that sort of content.

that type of stuff works all too well with jamal mikal--

a slumdog who will do anything to achieve his passions.

                    (stauffenberg on the far left; hitler in the middle)

valkyrie:

it was pretty exciting to watch this with my german stepdad.

a historically accurate, and intense political thriller.

i didn't know too much about the july plot. i only knew that this was a story about a man who attempted to assassinate adolph hitler. while watching valkyrie, i learned about a whole new side of germany. more than just an assassination attempt, claus von stauffenberg held the ambition to save germany from disaster. there was too much at stake if hitler was to stay in power.

i am honestly mesmerized by this story of loyalty and sacrifice. stauffenberg and his men had the utmost ambition to do what was right; they tried their best to bring justice upon hitler. this is something that i would've enjoyed learning more about in history class.

i appreciate how bryan singer tells this story. he shows great attention to detail, and manages to leave no room for bs. the story is taut, and every minute of it is focused on the july plot. and for a historical movie, it's not boring either. artistically, the filmmakers knew how to place their audience in this threatening situation. although we know the fate of these good men, we still hope for their plans to succeed.

what did my stepdad think of it?

erich thought it was awesome!